time flies. how true! omg im SO FUCKING NERVOUS about tmr. all my nerves are tangling up into a giant ball of nerves,literally! i mean as hard as i try my best to take my mind off it, or not naturally presume the worst of it,its still eating at me.i swear i hate result taking.i feel as though the outcome wouldnt be too positive, cos i didnt work consistently hard throughout the year, yet i contradict myself at the same time, wishing smth positive would come out of it nevertheless.oh please i am FUCKING SCARED!
and come monday, i would have to report to work and everybody would just be dying to hear my results, even if it was bad.nah not monday, friday itself would be quite a nightmare. i just know that all the smses would be flooding my phone asking me hows my results.
UGH. im having contradictive emotions now. i need some rest, period.
tomorrow never seemed more impending.

tolerance was bliss, until 2007-03-01 10:37 a.m.

):

Lips Of An Angel; Hinder

Honey why you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why you crying, is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak and
I, never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me will it start a fight
No, I don't think she has a clue
Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak and
I, never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

sheena, that makes two of us.

tolerance was bliss, until 2007-02-22 1:19 p.m.

fuck mngm

ahaha omg hasnt it been years? yes it has. been months. blogging is actually quite a redundant part of life eh. just turn to it when u have too many thought pushing ard in ur head to make sense of what is what. other than tht, its pretty much just an events regurgitator.which in the long run, is it even impt? would u even be bothered about what u did and what u said to who on 24th march 2004? unless its impt, which most probably it isnt. no point eh. i think ud probably be more interested in knowing how u felt at the point of time when someone did smth nice to u. it seems more worthy of remembrance somehow than superficial events.
2march is the release of results. its cfmed alr. quite fucked up, i hve exactly one last weekend to pretend to feign ignorance of my future.after this weekend, i wont live by another weekend not knwing my results. im scared, i am. all the uncertainties that has been put to slp are bubbling up again like a dormant volcano.all in an instant, i feel lke im being transported back to the space of time just after As. when everything seems so surreal. please. just, bring me a miracle.
kept getting reminded this new year that next year id be 20.sounds.. old. unfamiliar. and the digits even bring stress to me. like i should be doing smth about my life alr, should have took the first step to fulfilling my ambitions already or smth. but i havent done a shit. and its really unsettling.
this is what growing up is all about eh. stress closing in from all corners.

tolerance was bliss, until 2007-02-22 12:44 p.m.

caps please

Okay I think I understand whats a talent now. Its smth that you do well in without seemingly having to put in any effort at all, you’re just fucking good at it with no idea how or what or why the fuck it has to be this particular talent. It haunts you.

Heres my talent: irritating people.

I managed to irritate a grand total of TWO people, one stranger and a friend all within the space of one day. All with no intentions to, but ended up irritating both and myself as well in the process. Omg, that makes a grand total of THREE. Gosh I must be quite an irritater.

I should really just bleed alone. Stay away from me please!

tolerance was bliss, until 2006-12-14 1:59 a.m.

swayed again

im starting to be filled with doubts about myself. its kinda stupid actually, i wanted to do this myself. kept telling myself its for the experience, for the fun, for the exposure.yet its also me at the end of it all, kinda regretting it. im not the kind whos exactly clamoring for fame, if i have it, good. if not it doesnt really matter either.this experience is starting to eat at my self esteem, and i really am starting to be angry at myself for allowing myself to be this easily affected.i was leading my life happily and then this came along and shattered things i believed in. i dont think i really need this ego deflating experience, cos really i am alot luckier than many out there and should be anything but dissatisfied. i guess i should take things easy a tad more, then maybe all that self doubt would just go away. oh who am i kidding, this is a competition. and there'll always be losers. i shall choose to be a happy loser though.
if i could just think lesser.
alot of things could be actually really really simple.i think the biggest source of problems stem from my overactive emotions.
i should start feeling less.

tolerance was bliss, until 2006-12-13 5:58 p.m.

blurts

okay i saw this somewhere, and its just too sweet!

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca - age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy -age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen,"
Bobby - age 7

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore,"
Cindy - age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine - age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is more handsome than Robert Redford."
Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
Karen - age 7

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."
Mark - age 6

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget,"
Jessica - age 8

my definition of love is that, when the person who loves you dearly passes on, you find that no one else in this world understands you nearly as well as that person did.

oh my, totally in the mood for xmas now! seeing what little kids blurt out in innocence could be oh so touching sometimes, they always manage to strike sme chords deep within us without any effort at all.sorta reminds me of stuffs that is real and important, of little things that takes place on a daily basis but us older people who believes we know everything, actually missed.its nice to be simple aint it? life could really be filled with blessing and love if we would just stop, and listen :D to be young is to be simple and along with tht, happiness almost falls upon you inherently. how i wish tht innocence could follow us through age and experience but it almost seems impossible. innocence and age does seem to cross each other out. its not a practical trait, but xmas is all about not being practical and being caught in the mood.

i dont know if i should back out. sigh.

tolerance was bliss, until 2006-12-10 10:18 p.m.

two mes

walao damn bad mood la. wna blog also must click on 'new entry' for 1001 times before it finally let me in lke totally wtf.

ok i swear i hate it when people say im different online and in reality.i mean lke im not schizophrenic ok, i dont have multiple split personalities. i am the way i am, both cyber and real.whatever i say does originate from the same fucking brain and it is the first thing tht comes to my mind, not sme carefully thought-through statements tht i have to alter and alter befre it comes out the way i want it.

anyone who knws me well enough knows i dont exactly dwell well in groups, esp with guys who talk alot (define alot as more than i do) and it kinda intimidates me.so id just sorta recoil into silence and more often than not, once i shutup, i will shutup for good for the rest of the day.

omg its lke zac and gang all over again?just because i dont have much witty things to say when im being outmouthed doesnt mean im not thinking of stuffs. i think of plenty of witty stuffs ok! dammit.

i still cant believe he said that!

tolerance was bliss, until 2006-12-10 1:09 p.m.

the mool

you know, im just so damn sick of people who cant understand. who claim to be friends but fail to step out of their situation to see others who may not be as fortunate as them, and had to make do with alot less.it would nice, for a change, to actually be shortchanged with abit more dignity.without first having to live through the codescending conversations and put-downs whom which the person who said had no idea his or her words were directly hitting you in the gut in the most unimaginable way. it is upsetting tht these words come from friends.

i dont know whether its cos i dint actually come right out to tell them my difficulties. or cos im always smiling the hurt away. that makes them not know or think its okay to be like that.

i dont have a problem with my identity, nor do i bear grudges for my current state. i dont mind that people are rich. but i absolutely hate it when i see them taking their parents money for granted, and when they cast me looks of sympathy lke hey, i thought everybody's parents had money stashed away for their kids. like im sorry no thats not the case, i hate how the arrangement is right now but i finally felt it made me grow up alittle. i guess thats what growing up is about, when u learn to shoulder everything negative that comes your way yourself, and not upset your parents further. even if it meant selling ur house to move to a slump, you have to carry a smile and tell your parents, i support your decision. if that is what we must do to lighten ur financial burden, i will move to the slump with you. i will be upset when friends mock me, but thats my problem and i aint gonna make my parents feel worse about themselves.

i aint moving to a slump of course.but i think this whole episode (not ended) is making me look at life, friends, money and living from a new perspective.i used to be someone who'd tell evryone everyhting about myself, aint got no secrets that was too deep to be untold. but now i have a new kind of difficulty i cant voice out. and i dont expect nor want to be sympathised or anything,i just need to learn to put my friend's comments past me. they may have better lives, but im sure ive learnt so much more.

i had this discussion with a friend. it was on whether rich kids could ever value money more than poor kids.my friend insisted rich kids could value money as much, and stated examples of how there are people who're rich but are thrifty.i dint exactly bothered arguing, its not that im feeling sorry for myself. i guess ive learnt to stop expecting everyone to understand my plight, kinda cynical i guess.i said to my friend, i stand by my view that these two grps of people could never value money the same way. it will always be different. always.

tolerance was bliss, until 2006-12-01 12:54 a.m.

sniff

i had my haircut today and its so freaking flat and i dont know, still weird. smells of the salon still so i refuse to take any photos of it!

tolerance was bliss, until 2006-11-28 12:19 a.m.