been long since i last wrote in here isnt it? gots tons to say. but no one who's willing to sit down n hear. well, at least not e one i want to tell badly.

thngs with eric hasnt been all sunshine. ok i admit. ive been a dangerous atomic bomb.gettg angry at e slightest thing, takg him as my human punchbag. it mus hav been sucky being in his position. but well. i wouldnt be so sensitive if i didnt care so much fer him. so i took e plunge. took it, and told him.isnt too much an expectation if i at least expected him to reciprocate right. but ditto, he didnt say it. instead he was being totally weird n askg me weird things. sweats-

i relle dunno wad to do diary. im becoming possessive once again, jus lke e issue with zach. i bcum possessive whenever i start becoming insecure n unsure. im gna be honest diary. i need reassurance, tonnes of them. and if i dunt get them, e paranoid weilg wld start her petulant tantrums tt dies quickly, yet causes enuf damage while it lasts to give me a headache when i cool dwn. im tryg to control it too, but its so hard to diary. its killg me. in a way. so since i cant tell anyone, e onlie way to keep me rational is to spill out all my gut feelgs here. aty least here, i dunt get judged.

here goes.

he used to sms me alot more last time. whenever he's free. after sch. in e morning. at night. so much so, tt it bugged e living daylights out of me. so i told him to bug off a little in a subtle way. and gosh, he shure did.after tt day, i THOT he felt more strongly about us.but after much analysis, i relle hav a feelg his feelgs hav faded. i hate to say tis, i really do.and i relle wished im wrong.but. his smses have tapered. morning, two smses e most? night, after his bball which is lke damn late, one sms to tell me he's super tired, going slp le. no more calls.no more initiations to meet.no more confessions. no more sweet stuffs tt makes me u go goo inside.no more smses tt makes u feel special, like ure wanted.

no more.

i relle dunt know wad to feel diary. i relle dunt.i like him, but now i wished i didnt.i wished i cld turn back time when he likes me n i dunt. den, maybe i could have less to tink about.maybe i tink too much. but tts wad all gurls like to do aint it? tink tink n tink. make a mountain out of a molehill. tink up problems out of nothing.vent on e poor guy. guy gets disgusted, starts driftg away. tts me.past n present.

burnt a super nice cd at sheena's hse today.relle got great songs, lurve every single one of them.n bought kerrie's present.bought for myself a pillow, a black billabong wallet. oh n yeah. fogetful little weilg happily left her student pass back at e bicycle rental shop at sentosa.urgh. im sucha.. sucha. dimwit. even im disgusted at myself.

stop it weilg.

stop it.

tolerance was bliss, until 2003-09-07 6:45 p.m.